Geoff Nicholson is not only exciting to listen to but a true reflection of what’s possible for us in life, not matter the circumstances. He shares his learnings from years of being in agony and despair, exercises that will change your perception of who you are, and why it’s so important to value yourself before you can value others. Follow Geoff on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/geoffnicholsonuk/ as well as his podcast: https://geoffnicholson.co.uk/podcast/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/geoffnicholsonuk/
https://geoffnicholson.co.uk/podcast/
Larry Olsen [00:00:07] Welcome. I'm Larry Olsen, and what's on your mind, once set, it delivers your life. To change the outcomes we want, we must change the plays were running. Join us at Mindset Playbook with Real people - Real talk -Real insight.
Narrator [00:00:28] Today's episode is sponsored by Aperneo, an Achievement Acceleration Company, whose approach to professional development enables clients to gain insights and perspectives to live, work and engage with more success.
Larry Olsen [00:00:43] Well, I'd like to welcome everyone today to Mindset Playbook, and I'm so glad that you took the opportunity and made the choice to listen to us. I think you're going to be very, very excited about what we have to offer today. My guest is very well respected in the community and the world. He's a podcaster himself and his name is Geoff Nicholson. He's a performance and mindset coach from the U.K. who works with entrepreneurs and high achievers in creating exceptional results by developing what he calls their Success IQ. And after recovering from a debilitating illness, Geoff believes that the only way to achieve a true level of success is by creating strong foundations in the key areas of each of our lives. He also has a very successful podcast, as I mentioned earlier, called Success IQ, which I was a recent guest on and I must say he was a fascinating host and as a result asked him to switch roles and let me interview him, and here we are. Jeff, with all of your success and unique ability to coach people to the core of what standing in their way, what personal life experience do you believe transformed your life and created the experiences, thus the plan necessary to not only recover but to thrive?
Geoff Nicholson [00:02:14] Hi, Larry. First of all, well, thank you very much for inviting me to the show. I'm deeply honored and grateful for it. So the most, I guess, crucible moment for me was back in 2000, the year 2000. I was working in a printing company. I was working in procurement. I was a purchasing manager in a printing company. And what I started to notice was, was that very within that period of year 2000, I was ill a lot. I've never really been ill that much before, but I noticed that I was ill a lot. And in November the 5th, May 2000, so we celebrate something called Guy Fawkes here. It was that evening I didn't feel great. It really started to slip down very, very quickly. And within 24 hours, I was in hospital with viral meningitis.
Larry Olsen [00:03:10] Now, what exactly is that?
Geoff Nicholson [00:03:12] So viral meningitis is an infection of the to my knowledge, limited knowledge is the meninges. So it's the fibrous materials I think are the fluid within your disks or your spine. So I was lucky I got viral bacterial people can lose their limbs and all sorts of stuff. But so I got that. And I remember the sort of a set of crucible moments within this mine. I remember before I was wheeled off to the hospital, I remember looking at my wife and my two boys, my wife and my son, who was about three at the time. And I remember telling them that I love them because I literally thought that was it. I remember feeling myself fall and drop. And I remember in that moment of utter anger, just absolute anger, because I had not told them enough. I'd love them and not spend enough time doing. I was focusing more on my work and I was working for a family business and there was just so much anger. So I kind of like went to the hospital, was out in 24 hours and it took me about six months to get back to my normal relative level of health. And almost a year to the day of November the 5th, I was rushed off to the hospital again with another case. And I spent five days in the infectious diseases ward, which isn't a fun place to spend any time. And I knew it was bad because my mom and dad were going through a divorce at the time and they came together. So I kind of like thought, OK, I wonder what's going on here.
Larry Olsen [00:04:57] Little drama there, too.
Geoff Nicholson [00:04:59] Yes, exactly, I wasn't allowed to see my wife or my kids because they weren't allowed in. My wife was pregnant. She had just had our second.
Larry Olsen [00:05:08] What you had was infectious then as well in that second bout?
Geoff Nicholson [00:05:11] Yeah, the second bout. There weren't quite sure what it was because in theory you shouldn't get meningitis twice. Your body should have antibodies that shouldn't do it. But they wanted to keep everyone away from me in case that. So again, I thought I'd bounce back just the same. But what I noticed was I started to slip even more. And then basically, long story short, it culminated in me eventually sleeping 12 months, almost twenty to twenty two hours a day. Then I was housebound for four years in a wheelchair, a walking stick. I couldn't really I didn't have the energy to move. I hardly had the energy to talk or eat. It used to take me sort of half an hour to walk down the stairs.
Larry Olsen [00:06:02] So, here you are, a relatively young man.
Geoff Nicholson [00:06:07] Yeah.
Larry Olsen [00:06:08] In the prime of your life. Yep. Young family. And you get this thing hits you and kind of takes over your opportunity to make choices, if you will.
Geoff Nicholson [00:06:20] Yeah. Yeah.
Larry Olsen [00:06:22] And while you're sleeping well, are their dreams going on? Are there, are you creating this scenario that is trying to make sense of all of this? I mean, what is going on during this terrible time?
Geoff Nicholson [00:06:37] So for me, most of it was I mean, literally for six years of the illness, there was guilt, anger, frustration. You know, all I call them the all the great add on features you get when you sort of going through this sort of thing. I think part of it was that lack of belief that I could think why me, I suppose, is one of those things like what have I done to to kind of I deserve this.
Larry Olsen [00:07:10] OK. So you became a bit of a victim?
Geoff Nicholson [00:07:13] Oh, without a shadow of a doubt. And one of the main reasons was that later on I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome. And it's sometimes called M.E. I think in the states they call it CFIDS, Chronic Fatigue Immune Deficiency Syndrome or something. But basically what it is, is my body was in one way stuck in a constant stress cycle. So all of the key components to what your body needs to do literally was it was just exhausting me. So what would happen is I could sleep for 12 hours, 20 hours, whatever, but I would feel like I'd just run a marathon. So I was never refreshed to do it. If if I was to walk down to the bottom of the drive, it would floor me for possibly a month. So there was no, you know, as much as we'd go, no, I'm going to do it now. I'm going to do it right. And that's very much the way I was. But when I forced myself to do, I ended up suffering and the long term and what I realized was that forcing was actually then having a huge knock on effect to my wife, my kids and everything else. Because, you know, I've known my wife since I was eight, you know, so, you know, I first asked her out trick or treating when I was 13 years old and she said, "no", I think her dad said "no", actually. But, you know, so although.
Larry Olsen [00:08:46] It might have been your costume.
Geoff Nicholson [00:08:50] Yeah, exactly. But but so all of that was going on. And I think a big part of it was it's not only the guilt, but the fact that I didn't you know, the medical professions don't always give you feedback the best way. I was told that I could suffer for this for the rest of my life. There was no known cure.
Larry Olsen [00:09:11] Oh, boy.
Geoff Nicholson [00:09:12] I met other people who would, you know, suffer for for 40, 50 years plus. So I kind of like went down that road going now. I just I don't know how to do it.
Larry Olsen [00:09:26] Did you ever get to the point of of wondering if it was worth it?
Geoff Nicholson [00:09:30] So January 2006, I was able to start driving a bit and driving for me was a way to break free of being stuck in the house. I remember just being told that I could be ill for the next 30 years. And I I looked at my wife and my kids and I said to them, there's no way on God's earth I'm pulling you down with me. Because you deserve more than that. And I love you too much to have this be your existence for the next God knows how long. So I got into the car, gave them a kiss, and I went in the car and I thought about it five, six hundred times driving past this point and took my seatbelt off, put my foot on the gas. I knew that I could hit this if I could get to about 80 miles an hour going down this road to this oak tree at the bottom of the street at the end of the road. I knew it would be over really, really quickly. But then in a moment of sanity came the biggest moment of clarity I've ever had. Yeah, my eldest son, who would have been about seven or eight at the time, I just heard, "don't do it now. Not now, Daddy. Not now, Daddy". And I just kept hearing that over and over and over again. I slammed my brakes, pulled to the side of the road, balled my eyes out like a two year old and just went right at it. If there is ever any one that's going to learn how to get their life back on track, it's going to be me. But I'm not just accepting what it was before it needs to be, which is why I use the word exceptional. It needs to be exceptional. So it's not about desperation, it's about inner inspiration. And what do I need to do to start changing the things? And since then, that was January 2006. I started learning different mindset, techniques and stuff because I wanted to take control back.
Larry Olsen [00:11:41] Let me back you up before you go any further.
Geoff Nicholson [00:11:42] Yeah, of course no, no, absolutely.
Larry Olsen [00:11:44] When you listened and heard your son and that, needless to say, had so much more power than the decision you'd made that I'm not going to put my family through this.
Geoff Nicholson [00:12:02] Yes.
Larry Olsen [00:12:04] And you said you balled your eyes out. Was that a release unlike any other that you had had while you were going through this, these years of this torment? How so?
Geoff Nicholson [00:12:17] Yeah, so I've had plenty of moments of anger. I've had plenty of moments of anger, but the release was that, I don't know. It was almost like going from the best way I could say, certainly from my experience when I was going through that moment, that it was like looking through a fog. And when I was hearing Will's voice going "don't do it daddy, don't do it, daddy". There was almost like a searchlight, and as it separated. I've always wanted kids of like I say, I've known my wife for forever. I'm sure she feels this longer than I do, you know.
Larry Olsen [00:13:05] There's certainly a period there.
Geoff Nicholson [00:13:08] I remember saying in sickness and in health, I didn't realize it meant this. But then it was there was just this. I thought it was almost a primeval rage. It wasn't so anger. I see I saw rage is slightly different to anger at that time. It was like if anyone's how dare anyone say I couldn't get better.
Larry Olsen [00:13:33] OK,.
Narrator [00:13:34] What fantastic insights we are getting into in this episode. If this resonates with you and is provoking and of value. Please consider the best selling book of Get a Vision and Live IT, by your host Larry Olsen at Aperneo.com. His book has been an inspiration to many of Mindset Playbook's guests. And you'll find everything you need to live the best version of your life, now. The results you'll get will absolutely amaze you. Find the book at Aperneo.com in the shop. And now let's get back. You won't want to miss what's to come in this episode of Mindset Playbook.
Larry Olsen [00:14:17] So you hadnt and probably realized that you had accepted that statement made by these people that thought they knew what you had but didn't know who you were.
Geoff Nicholson [00:14:31] Yes, exactly. I remember I saw a neurologist and they told my wife I was putting it on because they had never seen anything like that.
Larry Olsen [00:14:42] And and I think for our listeners, it's we are brought up to respect authority.
Geoff Nicholson [00:14:50] Yes.
Larry Olsen [00:14:51] We have we sometimes put up on a pedestal people with particular degrees associated with what they do for a living. And without knowing it, we advocate, we don't advocate, but we give up our own self, our own power in respect to and not knowing any better. Right? And even if that can lead to a death sentence.
Geoff Nicholson [00:15:20] Yes.
Larry Olsen [00:15:21] Because I believe that once you said it's over, it's over. Your body is ready now over, right?
Geoff Nicholson [00:15:32] Absolutely. And I think is if you think about it is. So I'll give you an example, every morning I woke up, my search was "what's wrong with me today".
Larry Olsen [00:15:44] Oh boy. Self talk. Right.
Geoff Nicholson [00:15:46] Yeah, I don't even think my wife knew that at the time, but I was keeping a chart of out of ten and this was the title of the thing: "How Crapp feel today?". So, out of ten, "how Croppy feel today?". OK
Larry Olsen [00:16:06] What a frame of mind.
Geoff Nicholson [00:16:07] Exactly. So if every day I'm looking for the faults that's exactly what I am going to find every single day.
Larry Olsen [00:16:15] Absolutely.
Geoff Nicholson [00:16:17] And I remember writing on a piece of paper everything that was wrong with me, just prior to me leaving. It was I'm worthless, I think I even said I'm a useless piece of flesh. You know, you're pathetic, you're a rubbish father, you're rubbish husband, what's the point? And that isn't true. You know, there was some stuff going on. But actually I successfully had a good relationship with my wife, I'd have kids, you know, all of that was going on. And, you know, with all of that going on, what you technically are doing and you are feeding the beast, the there's a great saying is, is whichever Wolf you feed is the one that wins. I was ultimately feeding the angry wolf that said that, yes, you are worthless, you are whatever. The other thing is what I learned during that time is, sleep is a great escape.
Larry Olsen [00:17:19] Sure. Absolutely.
Geoff Nicholson [00:17:20] If I didn't want to deal with the situation, I wasn't emotionally geared up or prepared at that point, cognitively, I certainly wasn't. So it was easy for me to go, "no, I'm just going to sleep". And when you're going through that, you have to find something that pattern interrupts. You have to find something to go, "OK, how do you break that cycle?" And when you say, you know, like you say, you look at doctors and people of authority and you go, they must be telling the truth. And I remember saying, you know, with all due respect, I didn't use these words. I'm using it solely for your radio podcast. And I remember my wife sitting on my knee because that was probably the one time I was able to actually stand up. And I said, with all due respect, how much of the brain do we actually understand? And he was like, well, we know this and that and I go "OK, but can you explain to me how neuroplasticity works then?"
Larry Olsen [00:18:22] Yeah, the last great frontier.
Geoff Nicholson [00:18:23] Yeah, and I said, so you're telling me that you don't understand this, but that's only because there's a percentage of things that you don't understand, because if you are going to give me that feedback, what I want you to compare me with is someone that had possibly meningitis twice, who has then gone through X, and who has done whatever. How many people of them have you seen? And of course, he doesn't particularly answer very successfully or very succinctly. And basically what they do is they they will retort by protecting their ego rather than me thinking, I just want to know and answer. You know, there's an element where these guys have amazing skills. They do. But one of the things that certainly in this country, in the UK, we generally feed you down one route. So I'm not quite sure what's called in your country, but we call it CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. And what they'll do is they'll take you down that route to answer all of the questions if it's got to do with the mind. But the problem is not everyone is exactly the same. So they'll sit you down and go, can you write a diary of how you feel today? Well, out of all the people I before I started doing the coaching, all the people I've worked with in the chronic fatigue field and serious stress, not many people feel great every day when they're going through that sort of stuff. So it's a it's a ridiculous scale.
Larry Olsen [00:19:57] So, yeah, you're repeating that which you're attempting to remove yourself from.
Geoff Nicholson [00:20:02] Absolutely.
Larry Olsen [00:20:03] Don't think about a black dog in a white dog house. I mean, Stop it. You're not aware of this, so there's no healing really taking place.
Geoff Nicholson [00:20:14] Nope,this is where knowledge is power when you are prepared to go outside the the norm, so whether it is that, you know traditionally I go down the medical route when you start and looking at the even self development, you look at different therapy, you look at all sorts of things and you start look at, well, how can that influence how I am feeling, what I am saying to myself, what are the end results that actually then can be traced trackable to my progress. And that's the thing that matters. Yes, because once you can start understanding this bit and controlling the language that you are using, actually amazing things can happen. Especially when we're talking about the stress response, the stress response wants to get it wants your body to heal quick. You know, it's homeostasis. It wants you to go, I'm broke.
Larry Olsen [00:21:12] Yeah. You can't propagate the species and continue this.
Geoff Nicholson [00:21:15] Not at all.
Larry Olsen [00:21:16] If you're not living.
Geoff Nicholson [00:21:18] Absolutely. But too many of society are living, in that cycle.
Larry Olsen [00:21:23] Exactly, how powerful. Listen to what you're saying. I know you've created a business around this, as we both have. But what you're saying is, "never doubt the power of the conversation you have with yourself" because it proved its power to you because it almost killed you. And if that same power can almost kill you, that same power can heal you. But it takes more than just positive thinking and it takes more than just closing your eyes and clicking your heels and hope you end up in Kansas, right?
Geoff Nicholson [00:22:05] I believe you me I tried that and I would wear the red shoes of a hat as well. But I think but I think there's also an important thing is that under no circumstance do I say this is psychosomatic. OK, what I do say is, is that how you respond to what you are thinking or your the environment that you are putting you, in will create physical disabilities or restrictions and how you do it. Your body is whatever your body is feeling, if it's caused by a thought that is then transferred into a response that your body is going to do via biochemically or something else. It wont structurally floor you. But if you, if let's say, for example, if we look at the stress response, indigestion and blood pressure, heart attacks, all of those sort of things. They have a knock on those thoughts or ways of living will have a massive knock on effect to you physically to the point where you can't do stuff. Now, the weird thing is, is when I did some training, I remember sitting in a room speaking to the people who were who were doing the stuff and they were going, OK, we want you to challenge what you're going to do today. And I was like, right, OK, I could only walk 40 feet. That was about as far as I could walk before it would follow me for a couple of weeks ago. And because I am stubborn, as my wife would say, because I'm that the the trainer went, OK, what are you going to do today? And I went, I'm going to put your money where your mouth is. Give me [00:23:51]rate is [0.3s] that which basically is a city guide. And I'm going to walk back to my hotel and it's five miles. He was like, no, no, just take it easy. I was like "no, no, no, I understand the pattern, I understand the process, let me do it and let me see." And I must have done the mind training probably about two or three hundred times on that trip. But I only made two and a half miles. That was the best two and a half miles I have ever walked in my entire city in three days.
Larry Olsen [00:24:23] Twenty five hundred feet. Five thousand two hundred and eighty feet in a mile. You twenty five hundred feet is a little further than forty.
Geoff Nicholson [00:24:34] Yeah right. Twenty three miles in three days.
Larry Olsen [00:24:38] Get out of here.
Geoff Nicholson [00:24:40] Nope, twenty three miles in three days.
Larry Olsen [00:24:42] For heavens! What was going on in your realization that this was the same person.
Geoff Nicholson [00:24:54] Yeah, so there is two sides. Based on, as we do, there's the inner critic, one of the sides, there's one side's right. There was one voice who is going "you faked this entire illness to get attention".
Larry Olsen [00:25:10] That feed the fack that you were a loser and a failure.
Geoff Nicholson [00:25:11] Exactly. And I kind of like started to learn to have an open conversation with it. So, it was like, no, you know what? I see where you're coming from, but I didn't know what I knew then.
Larry Olsen [00:25:26] Yeah. Yeah.
Geoff Nicholson [00:25:27] Now I have wisdom in knowing what I need to do and there has to be self care. So I can't continue on this trajectory because normally what I would have done is, well, where does it stop? I've done twenty three miles in three days. Next thing I'm going to be like Forrest Gump running across the whole country, you know. So I had to kind of look at that and go right, back down because I can't sustain this. I haven't walked in nearly four or five years, so I'm going to have muscle atrophy. I'm going to have all that.
Larry Olsen [00:26:01] What's the importance of parameters? What's the importance of developing these? Not so much to to bind you by them and to create these walls. Ceilings. But, you know, in your case, why did you feel it was important not to become Forest Gump?
Geoff Nicholson [00:26:19] So, I can speak more of wisdom now based on my teachings and learnings and everything else. But I think realistic is a very dangerous word. When we talk about smart models and stuff, we'll talk about what I was taught, "it was realistic". The one that I think is important is "relevant".
Larry Olsen [00:26:40] OK.
Geoff Nicholson [00:26:40] So at this moment in time, based on how I am. What is the relevance of me thinking that I should do twenty three miles every three days? For me the relevance was as long as I'm making an improvement and I much prefer small improvements rather than, you know, huge ones because most often... Exactly. So to make small changes in my life consistently will be much better. So it was relatively at first, forcing me to get up at seven o'clock in the morning. I was forcing me to go and do some exercise, even though my body was going, "you nuts", you know, you've basically been a cripple for God knows how to.
Larry Olsen [00:27:27] A good point here. You were also paying different attention to what your body was telling you.
Geoff Nicholson [00:27:35] Yes. Yeah.
Larry Olsen [00:27:36] That's important for the listener to pick up on as well.
Geoff Nicholson [00:27:38] Absolutely. Because there's a difference in tiredness. We will do this in many different things in our lives. We will generalize a specific thing. We're not really achieving the results we want to achieve in some part, we will generalize. So I had generalized all tiredness as may not working properly. But there's legitimate real tiredness based on the fact that you may have been up for 12 hours or you aren't fit and healthy or something,.
Larry Olsen [00:28:12] But then a little more hope.
Geoff Nicholson [00:28:14] Yes, exactly. But then there is me walking down the drive and feeling tired after walking maybe 15 steps, is that real? And then allowing myself to do the test protocols or processes that allow me to see what was real and what wasn't.
Larry Olsen [00:28:34] Right. So, this is what's so important. I believe that when we're trying to make a shift in any in any behavior in our lives, we attempt to start trying to figure out how we're going to do it first, which is generally the worst thing you can do, because that ends up restricting it. If you knew how you would have done it. And then people go, well, I know how. Yeah, but you've got a bad attitude about the how, so you're unwilling to do that how. But there's a sponsoring thought and the sponsoring thought is a subconscious belief, which in the beginning for you was the you were legitimately ill, but then you got it labeled, right. And now you had to make sense of that label. So now you when you feel fatigued, OK, yeah, that's because...... And the listener is now hearing that when you changed your mind after the conversation you had with "will" at 80 miles an hour.
Geoff Nicholson [00:29:38] Yeah.
Larry Olsen [00:29:39] You know, I don't want to live like this anymore.
Geoff Nicholson [00:29:41] No, absolutely. Absolutely, and you know because.
Larry Olsen [00:29:46] And that's irrelevant.
Geoff Nicholson [00:29:47] Yes, absolutely. And this adds to that, the title of this illness in the 80s, people don't or I struggle trying to find someone to believe in the condition. There are there are two, and certainly at the time I was ill, there's roughly about two hundred and fifty thousand people in this country that suffer from chronic fatigue and what it used to be called, percentage
Larry Olsen [00:30:14] Isn't it because its cloudy and gray a lot?
Geoff Nicholson [00:30:16] Yeah, actually, it's a down day, as I say, in Scotland, but percentage wise is exactly the same in the States, and I believe it's the same in Norway as well. Now, what I realized was is, is that when you have got that going on in the 80s, it used to be called yuppie flu. And in the 80s, whereas people who worked at the equivalent of Wall Street, they deal with the finances, high stress, alpha males, they refused to say "no".
Larry Olsen [00:30:49] Power was the first one in and the last one out.
Geoff Nicholson [00:30:53] Exactly. Exactly. So what happens is, is their ability to cope was a lot less then than their actual drive to go and do the work. And you see this quite a lot in, you know, entrepreneurs, all of those sort of things, because they've got to work their butt off. They don't like saying "no", you know, they're doing all this and they're working for the right reasons in the fact of giving their family, you know, a great life or giving themselves a great life. But they don't work smart. Because some of it's from training from corporate days or some of it is they've watched maybe relatives do it their way without putting an attachment to my relative, possibly had a heart attack. And that was because they were working 24/7.
Larry Olsen [00:31:41] But "that was them and I'm much healthier".
Geoff Nicholson [00:31:43] Exactly, exactly. Yes, exactly. And that means I can drink and I can do whatever they can do it at all. Yeah. And so I think it is when you when you're dealing with that and then you're trying to deal with that self talk that's going on, you have to it's what I call being positively selfish. It's what you've got to do is you've got to look after you. It's the same principle as the oxygen mask in an airplane. I want to save them, put your mask on first. That isn't driven into us because we want to care and everything else.
Larry Olsen [00:32:15] You don't want to be perceived as arrogant for goodness sakes.
Geoff Nicholson [00:32:17] Exactly exactly
Larry Olsen [00:32:19] We think that being confident and feeling good about ourselves could be perceived as arrogance.
Geoff Nicholson [00:32:26] Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. I think a lot of it goes with social, you know, social programing and everything else, but is when we can learn that when we are putting ourselves first in a positive way, which is why I want to add positively selfish our families and our friends and our loved ones and us or we or I are far better prepared for the challenges that come along when we are able to look after us first, because the energy that goes into our families or the waste of energy that goes into our loved ones worrying about us, can be consumed into something else.
Larry Olsen [00:33:09] You couldn't take on anymore anyway, that's why the drive to the oak tree.
Geoff Nicholson [00:33:13] Exactly.
Larry Olsen [00:33:14] What am I doing to these people.
Geoff Nicholson [00:33:16] Yeah, exactly. And that's what stress is, it's a breaking point.
Larry Olsen [00:33:20] Yep.
Geoff Nicholson [00:33:20] We only have so much to cope with. And if we are bombarded with self-doubt, if we're bombarded with poor leadership, if we're bombarded by poor self leadership of whatever it is, all of that is going to go on. And there's a point where there has to be a break. Now, luckily, and, you know, people not everyone gets to the point where I was some people get worse and some people don't. There's a scope, but the focus of when we can understand, when we can create the right mindset, the right attitudes, you infact used it in my interview with you, "awareness" where we can use that awareness to go, OK, this is what is going on, and now I am taking charge to do something about it. And I am in control. And it's not about controlling everything that goes on because that's impossible, despite what you may think. It's that ability to go, OK, I'm going to control what I can control and I'm going to make the decisions with the best information that I have at this moment in time, because that's all that matters.
Larry Olsen [00:34:28] Yeah, absolutely perfect. And the other element to, is you chose that in this recovery, your family was going to be important as well. And that time with them was going to be a value and twenty three miles every three days is going to take time away from... And I like the fact that you were looking for more moderation, but yet having balance in that. And too often people go, well, I'll just take more breaks at work. Then before they know it their family's grown up and gone or they drifted away from one another because they're not listening any longer. What they are paying attention to is my life is falling apart.
Geoff Nicholson [00:35:22] Yeah.
Larry Olsen [00:35:23] And I'm doing all I can. So therefore the answer must be which it always is, is "me", unfortunately the label they placed on it is "loser". That's why the number one fear of the human race and this is where the work you do is so invaluable, Geoff, "is rejection". We're such social creatures will will kill ourselves to be valued. You are in a state physically and mentally that there wasn't anything the value anymore.
Geoff Nicholson [00:36:02] No.
Larry Olsen [00:36:03] Even your family. Well, couldn't have done it for your family. No, I'm I'm killing my family with what they have to put up to to continue to take care of me. And now they told me another 40, 50 years.
Geoff Nicholson [00:36:14] Yeah. And you've got to do it for you first.
Larry Olsen [00:36:17] Yes. So now equate that because you really building these beautiful parables and one of which was, "who were doing this for?" And it was that the reason you put on the oxygen mask on yourself first is you can't put it on them if you if you're dead, if you can't breathe.
Geoff Nicholson [00:36:40] Absolutely. Yeah.
Larry Olsen [00:36:41] Talk to us about how people can break through some of these sponsoring thoughts that they worked so hard to overcome. They have all these visions and aspirations and they just don't seem to get him anywhere because the core belief is, "I'm I'm worthless".
Geoff Nicholson [00:37:00] Yeah. OK, so the first for me, certainly the strategy that I used was I wanted to create something. So the first of all was a break pattern. It was something to go, OK, no, stop. I'm not I'm not going on like that anymore. I just need to do it. Now, whether we call it a pause, whether you want to call it a break and then help you call it a pattern interrupt. But it was something just to be able to go, "no, enough, that's not happening". And one of the greatest lessons I was taught was to make sure that that pause matched the way I wanted to feel. So if I was angry. There was no point doing an angry stop or an angry pause, because if I'm angry, I'm just going I'm going to go back up, I'm going to go up high. But to actually neutralize that energy and go, "no, OK, just relax you". You're fine. You can do this. So that was the first thing I was just to be able to understand that if you were trying to control the narrative, the same in communication, you know, you don't try and have that that competition of vocal because eventually, you know. Many of us will know this in relationships or heated discussions we have with our partners, that if you start to have that competition of tonality and vocal and increase, eventually you're talking down to each other. And it's just a completely neutralized and it's not going to work.
Larry Olsen [00:38:34] That's why when I could say to my wife. "I wouldn't have done it that way", and she says, "stop yelling at me". I'm going, "I didn't raise my voice". It's not about that. It's about the intent.
Geoff Nicholson [00:38:51] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.
Larry Olsen [00:38:54] What are you really saying to me to be able to recognize that we're the ones that are creating the reality that we happen to be living in.
Geoff Nicholson [00:39:02] Yes. Absolutely.
Larry Olsen [00:39:03] Nobody else has done it to us. No, none saw. Is that in your in your work.
Geoff Nicholson [00:39:08] Yeah. Very important. Learning to take the responsibility of going, "I'm in charge of my actions and not how people interpret, but how I communicate that with someone". So once we've done the pattern interrup the next thing is, is "what am I saying to myself". Since May the 7th, two thousand and six, every single day, I do what I call the mirror exercise and I go, I wrote this. I call it a power phrase. Some people may call it an affirmation that just depends on what it is, but basically what it is, it's a private personal phrase to me that basically makes me feel good. Now, the one is where all the guys are with their egos are going to roll their eyes up. I always say I love you. Because if you can't, certainly my belief is if I can't have self-love, I can't love out. So making sure that I appreciate myself even on the bad days. And so I have this very, very short message that I say to myself, "I'm great, I love you, you're a fantastic person, whatever it is. You're a great dad, whatever. And now when I do that I'll speak to myself looking at myself in the mirror. Not the easiest of things to do when you've been suicidal and you don't like the flash that you're in. So what you actually experience, or you may experience is what I call the fuel gauge of self-esteem. You start looking at your toes first and then you get better. You start getting higher and higher and higher. The aim is to look at your eyes. Yeah, because as they say, that's the window to the soul. And the most important soul for you is your soul.
Larry Olsen [00:41:00] Yes. This is where you anybody who comes across as macho and that what we're talking about is touchy feely. And when you get into this love thing now, that's the strongest power that it can overcome anything, is love. Nobody can fight love. It's what the soul, I believe and everybody has their own beliefs, is we came into this thing called life to not discover life or you get into the trap that happened to you, or oh, I'm discovering I'm ill. I discovered this information is the last a lifetime is we're creators. We're giving one hundred billion neurons for crying out loud that most of us just paid attention to this little bit of information in there, most of which is negative.
Geoff Nicholson [00:41:58] No, absolutely.
Larry Olsen [00:41:59] I know what you're saying is so powerful. I just wanted to reiterate that.
Geoff Nicholson [00:42:05] Absolutley, and I think the other I think is, is when you start doing it, there's a couple important parts to that is # one, to make progress, to make a positive impact, we have to let go of our ego.
Larry Olsen [00:42:18] How do you suggest someone goes about that and how do you explain first to them what it is?
Geoff Nicholson [00:42:24] So an ego to me. So I'm six foot four. I'm not a small bloke and I live in the northeast of England, which generally are miners and shipbuilders and farmers. Talk about meditation or mindfulness to any of my family and it would be like, you're having a laugh will go into the pub for a pint. That will kind of like be that's that's your therapy, really. Let's go for a drink. So an ego is something stopping you from giving something a shot. My ego is stopping me from going, "OK, I'm going to try meditation". The reason why I'm not going to try meditation is because I don't wear hemp and I look good with hair. You know, whatever the excuses, we're going to be like. Yeah. I don't like wearing crocs or something like that. So whatever the obstacles are going to come in,
Larry Olsen [00:43:20] I like it
Geoff Nicholson [00:43:21] without even trying to do something. So, you know, if someone says I'll go and, you know, juicing or Keto or whatever it is, it depends on why you are making the decision if you're making the decision not to do something like that because, it's against your religion. That's one thing or it is something that you just think is a load of rubbish. If you've got scientific backing that up, fine, then you've done research and you've looked at it.
Larry Olsen [00:43:50] Or it's against your values.
Geoff Nicholson [00:43:52] Exactly. So as long as it's not an again, is it relevant? And I guess the other one that's really important is the ecological. Does it fit in with your world now just because my you know, just because your father or your mother or your uncle or whatever laughs at something like that, there's an element that you have to let their rubbish go and you try something that works you look at them and go, if that life is all angels and sunshine and unicorns, OK, there may be something that's in that. I've done nigh on three hundred interviews and nearly every single one has mindfulness in it, as when I asked them about their routines. There's a reason why it must be in three hundred people who are successfully achieving great results. It's not because all of a sudden they were born as a Virgo or something like that. It's, you know, there's a reason why they are doing that. When Diya describes ego's edging God out, which I love, that regardless of your religious tendencies or not, the fact that you are pushing something that's almost to the soul away, it's stopping you from making progress.
Larry Olsen [00:45:11] This easing God out, this ego element, I was reading something last night. It just it struck me as so powerful is what you were saying was ego is the judgment that you're about to make on.
Geoff Nicholson [00:45:24] Yes.
Larry Olsen [00:45:25] Finding ways not to do. What this was saying is completely accepting of all things, but then decide to choose the higher version. You decide to come from that higher choice. So, you're still developing yourself from what you said in the mirror. You may have to start out at looking at your feet while you're making a conversation.
Geoff Nicholson [00:45:53] Absolutely.
Larry Olsen [00:45:54] If you still haven't, you're not believing it yet.
Geoff Nicholson [00:45:59] No, thats the power with the power phrase because I mean, my first power phrases like you're OK, OK. Yeah, well done. You know, but then there's the other important thing.
Larry Olsen [00:46:08] Take baby steps.
Geoff Nicholson [00:46:09] Yeah, exactly. Yeah, very, very small for about twenty five feet away from the mirror. And so you see the first of all, the words that you're saying, the body posture that you've got because your posture is telling your self everything you need to know. So again, with the sort of the, the fuel gauge thing, you know, if I'm looking at my feet and I'm all shrunk up, the energy is not going to be as great as if I'm standing with my shoulders back. So at first, the first thing is, is make sure you're standing tall and you keep your head high. Yeah. Because one, it's about building pride in yourself. It's about building self-confidence and building your self-esteem up.
Larry Olsen [00:46:53] Unless you're releasing your lungs because you're opening the door open. Exactly. Which is better.
Geoff Nicholson [00:46:59] Yeah, absolutely. And actually just by doing that you can change how you feel about something. Over well, almost to the point, almost
Larry Olsen [00:47:10] literally, yes.
Geoff Nicholson [00:47:10] You're opening yourself up, you're making yourself one approachable to to other people. Now, that might make you a little bit uncomfortable if you lack confidence or whatever, but it's building baby steps. Just keep thinking about building and then the next thing, is congruence, making sure that the words that you have written down on that piece of paper match how you want to feel, to the same as your posture, and that is practice. It's you're not going to be great at it the first time. But one of the things, my rule is, is don't, certainly when you get more competent at it, because when you first start doing, you realize how bad you're going to be at it. So you've got to go through that sort of pain threshold bit. But if you believe that you are worth it and you believe that the results that you are pursuing are worth it, whether it be for yourself, which will positively impact your loved ones and everything else. You don't leave that mirror until everything's matching. Sometimes I would have been standing at the mirror for an hour and you're getting more and more annoyed, but then that helps you control your emotions by going, "no, no, it's fine if you're just learning". Wow, how long does it take to say hi, you know, tomorrow or whatever? But the more and more comfortable and confident you get with that, the more confident you will feel. Therefore, the more that you will express yourself and communicate will also be better. Now, I'm not saying I'm an angel, and I'm not saying I'm great all the time. But I do feel that certainly has been the fundamental foundation that's helped me move on my confidence.
Larry Olsen [00:48:54] Beautiful, beautiful and so well said. Thank you.
Geoff Nicholson [00:48:57] Thank you very much.
Larry Olsen [00:48:58] What you're saying to is any time we make a change, there's a bit of lack of believability because we haven't obtained it yet. We're not used to, it takes generally people will fail three times before they give up. You know, and we know Edison ten thousand times, why? Because he knew before he started the light would go on. He'd say that didn't work rather than I don't work. Correct. And yet the element to people have to recognize is if some people just have to start with, I am worthy. They just have to give him credit for that. The other thing is so important to pay attention to that you are going to be having backtalk.
Geoff Nicholson [00:49:44] Totally.
Larry Olsen [00:49:45] I call it R.O.X. Talk, because that's how we build attitudes. We drop rocks and R.O.X. Is our X registering one experience, right, neurologically. And in my concept is GAP, which is the time out, Gaining Additional Performance to actually improve on yourself by pausing and taking that time out. Which is why I wanted you on the podcast, because you have just done such an outstanding job and I and I definitely feel for you of what you had to go through to have yourself become aware.
Geoff Nicholson [00:50:24] Yeah, well, I was my mom said I was stubborn.
Larry Olsen [00:50:30] Well, and what a wonderful partner. What is your wife's name?
Geoff Nicholson [00:50:34] Lindsay.
Larry Olsen [00:50:35] Lindsay. Oh, my golly. Give Lindsay my love, will you. I mean, what an outstanding human she must be.
Geoff Nicholson [00:50:43] I think she's more than that.
Larry Olsen [00:50:47] And it also says a lot about who you are to, because I think the audience and of course, myself, you're just a you're a kindred spirit, my friend.
Geoff Nicholson [00:50:57] Thank you.
Larry Olsen [00:50:58] I'd love to see us together. I've never quite made five eight in my life because of this six four. But when you have the right energy and the right soul, none of that matters. There's none of that matters. It's what kind of joy can we bring to one another? And we find someone who's not enjoying it yet. Let's help them unblock that. Absolutely. So they can fall back in love with themselves for crying out loud.
Geoff Nicholson [00:51:25] Yeah. And it's not as easy as it's, not as hard as they think exactly.
Larry Olsen [00:51:32] It's not a that dealing with so easy. Everybody be doing it either.
Geoff Nicholson [00:51:36] It's you know, it's it's not a breeze, but it's I think its priority is what you know, I always say where your energy goes, your success flows.
Larry Olsen [00:51:46] Very nice.
Geoff Nicholson [00:51:47] You know, so if you are putting your attention into something and you want to achieve success, whatever the hell that means to you, I was listening, but you're spending half your time on Netflix or playing an Xbox game or something. You're going to get the results. There's nothing wrong with that. And, you know, but it's you don't be sitting there angry with yourself because you're not getting the results. You've just got to move that attention over. And there's a reason why. So maybe the reason why you do Netflix and the Xbox is because there's something wrong with your self belief that says that you can do that or, you know, maybe you're not listening and putting the energy into what you just need to do.
Larry Olsen [00:52:25] Yeah, beautiful. Beautiful. I'm going to wrap it up and ask you.
Geoff Nicholson [00:52:31] It's a shame, isn't it?
Larry Olsen [00:52:33] I'm really enjoying this. We've been at it for fifty five minutes already.
Geoff Nicholson [00:52:37] Can we not move the time zone back?
Larry Olsen [00:52:42] It's evening for you, isn't it?
Geoff Nicholson [00:52:44] Yeah. It's seven o'clock in the evening.
Larry Olsen [00:52:46] Yeah, and it's almost eleven here. Here's what I want to ask you, because there's a lot of people out there that are successful but not enjoying the success, the degree that they could. And there are people out there that are just scratching the surface. I mean, this has just been a big whack on the head. They've had all this time to think about what they don't like about them, what their lives in themselves. You shared with us of just a, phenomenally burdensome and painful and sorrowful struggle. And the question I want to ask you is, has it been worth it for you to make this mind change?
Geoff Nicholson [00:53:36] Yeah, hands down. I often say to my kids, it's hardest thing and I wish I could, you know, sometimes in moments I'm guilty that I've lost six years with the kids and Lindsay, obviously. But I had to go through it.
Larry Olsen [00:53:58] There are people who lost 60 years. I mean, but the good news is it's never too late to start.
Geoff Nicholson [00:54:05] It's not. And we are seed planters. I know the work, the work that we do. You know, the hundreds of people I've worked with and been able to positively impact. They go on to impact their lives and them. So from a point of view, I'm a better dad, a better husband, but a friend. I found the job that I absolutely bloody love. And that's all from, you know, God, if I hadn't have been there, I'd still be working in the printing company or, you know, doing something else. And that's from the people I've been able to help that would have been criminal because they could still be going through the same rubbish. Or, you know, I could be, you know, spending more time at the pub, not realizing the quality time of my wife and my kids. So.
Larry Olsen [00:55:00] Are you familiar with W. Clement Stone?
Geoff Nicholson [00:55:04] I am. My mentor. It was his he was my mentors mentor.
Larry Olsen [00:55:08] No kidding. Oh, that's fantastic. Remember, he was an inverse paranoid for our listeners.
Geoff Nicholson [00:55:13] Yeah, that's right. Yeah.
Larry Olsen [00:55:14] We believe the universe was conspiring to do him good. And based on everything you've shared and your, the importance of starting your morning out for yourself to get ready for and not just arrive and then be overwhelmed that when anything happened to him, you know, he there was an expectation, in fact, he was looking for it. Wonderful things to happen. Something wonderful is going to happen today was one of his statements. Yeah. And then when something went wrong and this is such a great learning, what most people do is, "well, I gave it a try, didn't work", and they go back to where they started from. When what he did and this is what you've shared with all of us. He said, what am I to learn from this? And you've shared a learning of a lifetime. And I know you have so much more to offer. And I just can't thank you enough for being on the show and saying, "yes" to this, as busy as you are and the wee hours of the night and taking you away from your wife and your kids. So apologize to them for me.
Geoff Nicholson [00:56:26] Don't worry. We're going for a walk after this.
Larry Olsen [00:56:28] Oh, fantastic. Well, I love you, buddy. And I'm so glad that we met. And those of you that have been listening just recognize what an incredible human being you've had the opportunity to listen. What and how would you like to wrap it up for our friends out there?
Geoff Nicholson [00:56:46] So, there's a great I think it's a metaphor. It's called the carrot, the egg and the coffee bean. And I'm not going to tell you, though, but it's an amazing story. And what it says at the end, it says, when we are born, we are born crying and the world around us is smiling. When we leave this planet, let us be the one smiling and the one around us crying. Oh, and I think that's literally how we should live our lives.
Larry Olsen [00:57:16] That's beautiful. I thank you. I thank all of you for taking the time to to listen. You'll be able to find out more information about how to get in touch with Jeff and his great work. And I highly recommend that you no matter what level of success you're at, he can assist you in going to that next level. And also remember that wherever you are in your life right now, you are exactly where you need to be. Just start to make those choices that bring out the best in you and then the rest of us will benefit as a result. So all the best to all of you. Thank you again, Geoff. It's been a pleasure.
Geoff Nicholson [00:57:58] Thanks, Larry. It's been a dream
Larry Olsen [00:57:59] You bet you as well. Take care.
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